In week one of January 2022 my cardiologist sends me to have a CT scan. He set up an appointment to discuss the results for about ten days after the scan. A couple of days after the scan he called to tell me to get to his office immediately.
He pulled the image up onto a screen and showed me where I had significant blockage in the LAD artery—he used the term the widow maker—then showed me a few other areas in my heart where there was significant blockage.
I was relieved that someone finally figured it out. Well, figured something out, he said the blockage had nothing to do with my breathing issues (always feeling I’m at ten thousand feet elevation), but it was good to find the heart problem.
My regular doctor was surprised. She said she never thought for a second that it was my heart, with me being as active as I am.
It spooked me a little…well, more than a little. It spooked me enough to cause several dietary changes. I cut way back on meat, white bread, white rice, and sugar while dramatically increasing fruit and vegetable intake.
One of my new pills was supposed to cause weight gain but I lost ten pounds over the next few months because of the change in diet.
I continued going to the gym and slowly added more cardio to my workouts. Strength training hadn’t been productive for me. I wasn’t progressing. I was barely maintaining due to becoming dizzy when lifting even moderate weight. My heart and breathing problems had me so weak I was afraid to push myself at all. I was going backwards.
I drove to my home town in February for my dad and son’s birthdays, which fall a few days apart. They were both landmark birthdays.
My wife and I both went home for my own landmark birthday in early March - the big 5-0.
Many friends, most you’ve read about in past stories, some you haven’t met yet, met us at a local pizzeria for a get-together the night before my birthday. I spent my birthday surrounded by family.
I’d been getting a little homesick and thought hitting a few gatherings would help…..it did.
My son had been growing more responsible and mature. He’d been staying out of trouble, working consistently, found better living conditions, had a steady girlfriend, and creating goals. He’d also been communicating with me and other family members on a more regularly basis.
When he does better in life - I do better in mental health.
I began allowing my defenses to relax. I began believing the worst was behind us; no longer expecting worse case scenarios or 2 a.m. phone calls with horrible news. My nerves began to settle and my anxieties began to calm. He seemed to be gaining ground in the right direction - not something I had been accustomed for nearly a decade. It was a damn rough decade.
Like I wrote early in Book One, “…..I will not share the details of his personal issues.
Those are his stories to tell, not mine.
My story is about how his story damn near killed me, left me broken and scared, left me wandering in a wilderness of sorrow, and left me wondering if the deepest scars will ever heal, as new emotional cuts continued forming throughout the winter.” (Post #20)
Again - When he does better I do better.
I had envisioned my fiftieth year to be some kind of landmark year of freedom where I’d travel more and do many more exiting things to usher in the second half of life……but instead it turned into a year of resetting and recalibrating priorities. Why? In my long battle with depression and anxiety I was unable to mentally and physically work regularly - affecting our finances.
My previous employer called one day in late March 2022 to ask if I could help out at the private school for a while. I rejoined the maintenance team. I told him about the Appalachian Trail trip I had planed for late April through mid May, he said he could work around that, so I began working the following Monday.
Taking things slow at first, I told him I could only worked five hour a day, that nine in the morning to two in the afternoon was when I was available. That’s also the busiest time of the day for the maintenance team.
With my heart diagnosis being so fresh it was important to have time in the mornings for my exercise routine.
I wanted to have time and energy enough in the afternoons for writing, though I wasn’t gaining nearly as many subscribers as I had expected. I’m very thankful for the ones I do have. Thank you.
I continued selling my scenic photography on Saturdays at the weekly farmers’ market, and at other venues, though people were beginning to watch their money closer due to rising costs of everything.
Opportunities for side work began to arise so I began working on a few light landscape projects, and wrapped up the last project just a few days before leaving for my 2022 Appalachian Trial hike in late April.
Join me next week for the beginning of the 2022 section hike.
I was a little skeptical about hiking with my new diagnosis being so fresh, but went anyway.
Join me next week, we’ll see how the trip goes.