#108 Crawfish Trail Campsite to Chestnut Knot Shelter - Day 47: ATMM 552.3 – ATMM 569.8
The wheels of time continue spinning as echoes of many generations fade into forgotten history.
A moment of peace.
The sun is breaking through the trees over the mountain.
The birds are chirping.
The air is cool and clean.
Morning has come with its invitation, bidding me to join the day.
Yesterday evening I hiked with, went to sleep with, and woke up with the conflict of hiking with the group or pushing ahead alone. The group doesn’t seem to have the same desire to finish this two hundred thirty-mile section as I do. But I also want to remain with the group.
A war rages within. There’s true freedom in hiking alone. There are shared experiences in hiking together. Who cares if I don’t complete this section? I care if I don’t complete this section. Would the others be mad if I hike ahead? Would it affect our friendship if I go? Would it affect our friendship if I stayed? Why do I put so much pressure on myself? Everyone else goes where they want when they want. Why can’t I allow myself to do the same? Why can’t I decide?
At breakfast I tell Princess that I think I should hike on. That I’d feel like a failure if I don’t finish, but I also feel like I’m abandoning them. Her voice says I should hike my own hike, but I interpret her expressions to say something else, but I’m not sure what. Maybe I’m wrong. I’ll think it over today. This shouldn’t be so hard. But everything concerning my mind seems hard anymore. All decisions have become hard. Besides, I don’t need more miles per day, we are hiking solid miles, I need the number of days that were planned to remain the plan. There seems to be a hard push to get off the trail on the fifteenth day. The original plan was to get off on the eighteenth day. I don’t know. We’ll see what happens.