#003 Back Story
I sought the comforts of the wilderness.....
My wife and I married in 2002, when my son was three and a half years old. He and I met Becky one sunny autumn Saturday at the state park in our town when he was about 20 months old. He and I had gone to a yard sale earlier that day where we found a toy push mower that blew bubbles. He pushed his little bubble making machine near the picnic table where she sat reading. She and I began talking, hanging out, dating, then married nearly two years later.
I shared custody with my son’s mother from the time we separated, although through the years we had different arrangements and configurations. It was important for me to be present for him while he grew up, and so I made my time with him a priority, both when he was tiny and when he was school-age.
Around the time he began kindergarten, my place of employment was restructuring. The changes required me to move to second shift. It was a change that would have caused me to miss valuable time and experiences with my family had I not been thinking ahead about this. I began building a small window cleaning and power washing business on the side. It took off immediately. I soon left my full-time job. Total control my daily work schedule resulted in more control of my time. Plus I paid myself better!
There was more time for family vacations, school events, hours of building Legos on the floor, sports, scouts, doctor appointments, cartoons, being a room parent for my son’s class, Nerf wars, sledding in the snow, home improvements, or anything else that came along. We had a nice groove going.
Little by little things changed with my son. Our relationship began going through some of the normal strains that naturally occur between a teen-age boy and a father. There were other, outside forces and causes of strain in our relationship as well.
My son began claiming more control over his time as he grew into his middle and high school years. It’s a natural transition for teens to own more of their time, but he took it to the extremes. He’d completely detach himself from one household for weeks or months at a time, with no contact, refusing phone calls, then without notice, he’d walk in the door as if no time had passed, as if no questions needed answering . Questions caused more chaos than closure.
The long stretches of separation with no contact took its toll on me. I sought the comforts of the wilderness, anything from long day-hikes to multi-day backpack trips. I found a new group of friends who were interested the same outdoor activities I was. We expanded our outdoor interest together, learned from one another, bonded together, then became a family of sorts.
These new experiences reignited my interest in writing and photography. I had been so busy working multiple jobs and raising a family that many of my long-ago interests were forgotten. I had new things to write about, new places to photograph. I began a BLOG called I Wonder Where the Roads Go to share some of my experiences. I opened an Etsy store to sell print and canvas of my photography.
I came home from backpacking Lake Michigan’s North Manitou Island in May of 2013. After settling in for the night Becky said she had been thinking a lot that week about attending seminary and her Masters of Divinity degree. She asked what I thought about it. I told her if it’s the direction she’s urged to go then she needs to do it. She asked what I thought about the expenses involved. I said that if it’s the direction she’s supposed to go the money will be there.
She began her four-year program in the summer of 2014. Some classes were through an online distance program. She drove to Iowa for two weeks of in person classes every January and August for the others. She completed seminary while working full-time in youth ministry and running a family.